Friday, September 10, 2010

work in progress ~ part 2

work in progress ~ confidence

The next section in Kristin Armstrong's book, work in progress An Unfinished Woman's GUIDE TO GRACE, is confidence.

Confidence is so many things to so many people.  When I first read the title of this section, Confidence, I thought, "To boldly go where no one has gone before."  (That's the sarcastic part of me.)  Then, reality hit...I totally fake my confidence.  I have TONS of fears and insecurities.  If I fear things...that is lack of confidence, right?  Ms. Armstrong suggests that confidence comes from being, "good enough." 

She says, "Good enough means being able to accept who and where we are with grace and gratitude and being content with ourselves as works in progress."

My confidence always waivers when I reflect upon my spiritual gifts.  (or lack of them!)  See!  Confidence issues!  I have struggled for years with not knowing (or not accepting) what my spiritual gifts are.  Romans 12:6 tells us "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us."  Why doesn't God just "tag" one of the walls in my house with big bold letters stating my gift?  I can remember being in high school, and thinking that my gift was "teaching."  I wanted to be a fashion merchandiser, but always thought that I would end up in the classroom teaching fashion.  That didn't pan out.  So I took on summer jobs...teaching!  I taught candle making, arts/crafts, hiking classes, river ed. classes, cooking, and science. I taught at the high school.  I taught at the elementary school.  I substitute taught at all levels. I poured all of my energies into teaching, but I couldn't stay away from my kids that long.  I always ended up "taking time off".  (Not days...years...I would teach; miss my kid ~ and not resign a contract.)  It wasn't until this last time...when the twins were born and delivered into my arms... that I figured out maybe teaching wasn't for me.  I was at peace with my decision not to go back into the classroom.  My walk with God was strengthened.  So...I'm perplexed...what is my gift?

One thing I know...God will carry/drag/push/pull/watch me every step of the way.  He will reveal my gift to me when He knows that I will be ready to handle it.  I'm working at being "good enough."

I really like Kristin's comment,
"Confidence is not about who you are; it's about whose you are." 
I think I'm going to have wall words made from that and hang it in my room.  That way, I will know that I'm forgiven and loved by the most important person ever!  God chose me.  He has a plan for my life.  I'm going to go bodly into unknown places...

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