work in progress

I

• am a work in progress.
• am sinful.
• am searching for grace.

By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.  No, I worked harder than all of them - yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.

1Corinthians 15:10

I'm currently reading work in progress An Unfinished Woman's Guide to Grace by Kristin Armstrong.  I read it about a year ago and had plans to donate it to our church library, but I feel compelled to reread it.  I struggle with my identity on an almost daily basis.  I'm sure that there are many moms who feel the same way.  When we become a mom (or even a wife) we lose just a little bit of our identity.  We gain so much more, but sometimes... for me anyway... I forget what a blessing I have been given.

What is a woman of grace?

Who is she?

Where does she come from?

The first section of the book is about beauty.  {blah}  I don't like to talk about beauty.  I see my beauty from the outside not the inside as God had planned.  I look in the mirror only to straighten my hair (God bestowed upon me a head of CURLS!  What was He thinking?), and apply minimal amounts of makeup (because society says that is what women do).  The reality is ~ that is not where our beauty comes from ~ our beauty is inside of us. 

These are the lies that I tell myself:

• I'm not skinny enough,
• I'm not fashionable enough (I live in a small rural town - realistically fashion doesn't exist in the same manner here!)
• I don't have time to sit and get into the word on a daily basis
• I'm never good enough (wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend/aunt)
• I'm not worthy of God's love.

and yet...

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come."

2Corinthians 5:17

Tim is seldom without his Bible.  He totes his Bible the way I tote my camera.

I'm feeling so convicted.  He is such a strong Christian man.

Ms. Armstrong challenges her readers to explore where they get their happiness.  The question is "What gives you so much happiness that you do not give a second thought to how you look doing it?"

Sightseeing...in a skort with my running shoes...I'm worrying about what others are thinking of my outfit, I'm worrying whether others are mocking me for being such a tourist, I'm selfconscious...

The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

I honestly don't ever stop wondering/worrying about what others think when they see me.

Can they tell that I'm a woman of God?  Do I look like a shrew chasing my children?  Do I look as stressed as I feel?  Is my face beet red from running up that last hill? Do they think my clothes are out of date or unfashionable?  The list goes on... it is a superficial list that puts me in the world - not of God.

1John 5:4-5 says, "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world.  And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith.   Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?"

SO ~

What gives me ultimate happiness (besides my kids and husband) is photography.  I'm going to throw myself into taking pictures without hesitation.  I'm going to live vicariously through the images that I'm saving of my children, friends, and loved ones.  I'm not going to worry about how I look walking all over with my camera, I'm not going to worry whether I look silly carrying my camera, I'm not going to worry about whether every picture is perfect.

I'm going to rejoice in the moment ~ and I'm going to capture it on a digital card ~ so that I can hold the memory in my heart and share the love I feel with others.

AND

I'm going to guard the scripture in my heart.  I'm going to "be reverent in behavor,...teacher of good things" (Titus 2:3) so that I can be an example of godliness to younger women, and so i can encourage the younger women in their responsibilites.

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

Proverbs 29:25